Embark!

Touched down in San Diego a few hours ago. I am relaxing at the house of a guy who hosts Pacific Crest trail hikers, and readying myself for my journey north. Already, I am blessed by the kindness and generosity of others.  I embark from the Mexican border early tomorrow morning, and am filled with excitement, and fear, and all sorts of things.  2,663 miles of walking to Canada. Tomorrow, a dream becomes realized.

  Standing at the precipice of this event that I have thought about for years is a very strange thing. Since I was a teenager, I have felt that this trail is something that I have needed to try. For better, or for worse, something about this hiking path has pulled me in. How will it change how I feel about myself if I find that I do not like it, or that I cannot do it?  What if this dream, something that I have used to define myself, turns out to be something that I neither want nor need?  I will be coming face to face with many fears, some of which I have held onto for years.  One of the reasons that I am doing this trail is that I have made a lot of decisions in my life based on FEAR: fear of failure, fear of commitment, fear of death.  I no longer want to live like that.  If I am successful, and get what I hope to out of this hike, and am no longer governed by  these fears, who will I become?

This trip will be a rebirth of sorts.  It is hard.  It is scary.  It takes a lot of commitment.  That is why it is important.  Trying this is going to make me a better man. So, here I am.  I have done all of the things that I can do to prepare for this.  All that is left is doing it.  It feels big.