May 15, Mile 383.8-417  ( 33.2 miles)

No bears last night!  Due to an error with my pre-hike planning, I had no maps for the section between Wrightwood to Agua Dulce, a nearly 85 mile stretch.  It makes sense then, that this would turn out to be the most confusing section of trail to date.  I woke up early, hoping to make really good progress today after many consecutive days below 20 miles.  My lofty goals were squashed after I got lost (LOST!) mid day.  After a unremarkable morning of hiking, I came upon a road crossing where signs and an arrow pointed, apparently, to the Pacific Crest Trail.  Without maps, I listen to the signs, and follow this trail up up up to the summit of a peak.  While following this trail I get a feeling in my gut that this is not the right trail, and I think to myself, "this doesn't seem right.  This is far too steep to be the PCT."  A sensible man would listen to his gut, and turn around.  Unfortunately, I have never been accused of being a sensible man.  Eventually the trail I am following dies, and I am left on the top of an unnamed peak.  My internal monologue starts screaming at me, "YOU ARE LOST! LOST! LOST! YOU ARE LOST AND YOU HAVE LITTLE WATER, AND NO MAPS! LOST LOST LOST LOST!" 

I pace around a bit, find a clear area at the summit of the peak, and look at the surrounding areas for anything recognizable.  Far below me in a valley, I see a very clear trail with the sort of wooden posts that traditionally mark the PCT.  I head cross country down to this trail (LOST LOST LOST), and after thirty minutes of bushwacking, get back to my beloved trail.  I look in both directions of the trail, take a compass reading(essentially useless without a  map since the PCT does not take a direct North/South route) and end up heading in a direction that I think is assuredly right.

I was wrong.  After a few hours of hiking I get back to a small campground that I had passed in the morning.  I look at my watch.  I had been in this same spot, 4 hours earlier (NO! GOD, WHY?!)  I take stock of my situation, cursing myself endlessly.  The next thing I decide to do is very strange, and I am not sure I can explain it why it helped, but it sure made me feel much better:  I go into the backcountry privy, strip down completely nude, and sit with my head resting on my knees.  Oddly, after about 15 minutes, I start to feel a lot better.  I laugh at what I am doing, get dressed, and head back onto the trail.  After a few hours I pass many of those that I had already passed in the morning.  "What happened to you, Bambi, I thought you were ahead?!"  "LOST!"

I eventually make my way to a campsite right at dark, well before where I had hoped to camp for the night.  I lay down for a few minutes and then start to smell smoke.  Wildfire smoke.  I stand up and notice that the valley that I am above is rapidly filling with smoke.  I think back to all of the wildfire burns that I had passed through during the past few days, of all the dried grass and arid lands that are laying all around me, and I decide to GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE.

 I hike for a few more hours, well into the night.  Around midnight I crest a ridge, in the midst of a burn area, and I can see the lights from the Inland Empire ( a large metropolitan area in Southern California) below me.  The only sounds are of my breath and of the crunch of my footsteps on the charred ground below.  My flashlight illuminated only a small sliver of the darkness.  I was the seemingly the only living thing on this burnt ridge.  I felt a profound loneliness, and imagined that I was feeling very similar to an Astronaut on a space walk, looking down at earth.  Alone, a sole bastion of life surrounded by death, and staring down at the lights of the metropolis below me, knowing that down there is companionship, humanity, brotherhood. I will remember how I felt upon that ridge for the rest of my life.

I hike on for a few more hours and eventually lay down, fully clothed, alongside a forest service road, too exhausted to set up a proper camp.  Considering all of the time I walked in the wrong direction, I am sure that I have covered over 40 miles today.